This is a copy of my weekly blog which I write for work and is published on the council's intranet.  The views I express in this log are my own, professional, views as the Head of Communications but do not necessarily reflect those of the authority itself.

I fear, dear reader, that this may be my last Captain’s Log.

I say this because I discovered yesterday that the authorities have finally caught up with me.

No, not over that unpaid parking fine from Scunthorpe in 1996 - this is much more serious.

It seems I have inadvertently dropped the council in it and it’s all because I bought a new TV for my team so that we could monitor Homes Under the Hammer, oops, sorry, I mean Look North and Calendar.

These days, when you buy a TV you have to give your address. Of course, the shop has it if you order on line (in my case), but the cashier will ask for it if you buy in store.

This is so the nice people from TV Licensing can make sure you have paid your subsidy to the BBC and can watch Cash In the Attic legitimately.

So then, my purchase of an LG flatscreen triggered this process and TV Licensing have duly written to the council to enquire about the aforementioned piece of paper that proves we’re legal.

The trouble is … it seems we're not. Or at least that’s what TV Licensing reckons. It says we never have been.

Gulp!

Now, I’m sure we probably do have a licence somewhere – but no-one seems to know where and trying to track down a piece of paper that small in an organisation this big is a bit like finding a needle in a multitude of haystacks.

That’s where you come in dearest and most loyal reader.

It’s just possible you could save my life – as the kid used to say in the Yellow Pages TV ad (you know, the one where he has a party and damages his parent’s antique table and is using the Yellow Pages to track down a French polisher).

I am convinced that somewhere in this great authority we have an operative who is either partly or wholly responsible for the council’s TV licence. You/they might be called something like ‘Head of Storing the TV Licence’ or ‘Chief Strategic TV Licence Procurement Manager’. If you know who this most amazing, brilliant, talented and valued colleague is, please let me know.

Urgently please.

Of course, I understand that this person is going to be getting me out of a potentially sticky situation here, so I appreciate that they will need a little incentive to encourage them to come forward.

So here’s what I’m proposing.

In return for you keeping me out of Armley prison and from becoming Big Bad Bob’s cellmate and ‘plaything’ then I’m prepared to fend off the Tax Payers Alliance on your behalf when it publishes its annual list of the silliest council job titles later this year.

I’ll also let you come and use my shiny new (and troublesome) TV to watch whatever programmes you like.

My team recommend Doctors at 1345 and Murder, She Wrote at 1415. Top Gear is also on Dave at 1100 if you're a bit of a petrol head. LOL!

I look forward to hearing from you asap.