I’ve long agreed with people who’ve argued there’s a clear need for the ‘fashion police’ who would cart you off to jail for having bad dress sense or awful hair.

As I spend more than 10 hours a week travelling on public transport (which attracts more than its fair share of weirdos) I can see their point.

There are plenty of people who seem to suffer form serious ‘wardrobe malfunctions’ on Transpennine Express. Anyone would think Geordie Jeans are back in fashion. They aren’t of course (and I wonder if they ever were).

Having said all of that, if there were such a thing as the fashion police then First Transpennine Express would go out of business as large number of its passengers would be arrested.

Anyway – now I can see there’s a definite need for a third tier of law enforcement … the technology police!

There should be people in uniform who patrol to make sure that no-one is using outdated tech. Any device that’s more than five years out of date would be confiscated and the owner chucked in the slammer.

I say this because I have a first offender.

He’s the man who has spent the whole journey from Northallerton to Leeds so far chattering into his Dictaphone and then listening back to his own voice. To make matters worse he appears to have a Minidisc player and an old Nokia 3510 phone with him as well.

I just hope that Sergeant Scary from the Technology Police gets on at Garforth.